Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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