I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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