home. puking in laundry basket.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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