I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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