just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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