Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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