Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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