chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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