My pussy is not your playground.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I did not marry a roomba.
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