im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize