You're my little dorito
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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