Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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