i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize