if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
only you would photoshop your dick
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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