The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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