Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize