I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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