I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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