God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize