It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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