I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need to sanitize my soul.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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