Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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