Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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