Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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