you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
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