made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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