I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize