My friends, they love my intelligence
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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