i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize