You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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