One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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