Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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