There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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