Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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