hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize