2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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