There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
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Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize