Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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