alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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