She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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