you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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