So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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