Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize