U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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