i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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