i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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