How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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