I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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