Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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