Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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